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The Abandonment Trigger Map

Map your loved one's specific abandonment triggers and your own responses.

Week 3

Appendix C

Trigger Identification

Escalation 1: What happened just before it started?

Escalation 2: What happened just before it started?

Escalation 3: What happened just before it started?

Pattern Recognition

What patterns do you see? What are the top 3 abandonment triggers for your loved one?

What do you typically do when the alarm goes off? (Be honest — no judgment)

What, if anything, has helped de-escalate in the past?

The Pause Before the Story

Describe the situation. What did your loved one do or say?

What did you notice in your body? (Chest tight, jaw clenched, stomach dropping, etc.)

What was the story your nervous system wrote? (The first-draft interpretation)

What was the feeling underneath the story? (Scared, exhausted, helpless, invisible, etc.)

What need of yours got activated? (To be seen, to be safe, to not fail, etc.)

With the story paused — what might they have been feeling that you couldn't see?