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The Devaluation Survival Plan

Build a concrete plan for the next devaluation episode before it happens.

Week 6

Appendix F

Recognizing the Cycle

What does idealization look like in your relationship? (What does your loved one say/do when you're 'all good'?)

What does devaluation look like? (What are the early warning signs that the shift is happening?)

What typically triggers the shift from idealization to devaluation?

My Devaluation Plan

When devaluation starts, my first response will be:

The script I will use (write your actual words):

The regulation tool I will use to stay present:

If I need to take a break, what I will say (that does NOT sound like abandonment):

Catching the Collapse

Describe the interaction briefly.

Was I in psychic equivalence? (Certain I knew what they were thinking, no room for doubt)

Was I in teleological mode? (Focused only on what they did, ignoring what they might have felt)

Was I in pretend mode? (Performing understanding without actually feeling anything)

What would it look like to come back to mentalizing? One curious question I could ask.

Splitting Tracker — This Week's Log

Date / Situation

What triggered the shift? (What happened just before the idealization or devaluation began?)

What I noticed in myself (body sensations, thoughts, urge to defend or collapse):

What I did / said:

How it resolved (or didn't):

Date / Situation (second entry)

What triggered the shift?

What I noticed in myself:

What I did / said:

How it resolved (or didn't):

Pattern I'm noticing across entries (What consistently triggers the shift? What consistently helps?):