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The Approach-Avoid Cycle Tracker

Track the push-pull pattern to understand it — not to fix it, but to stop taking it personally.

Week 4

Appendix D

Cycle Log

Date

The APPROACH (what did they do to pull you in?)

The AVOID (what did they do to push you away?)

YOUR response (did you pursue, withdraw, or anchor?)

Their reaction to your response:

What happened in YOUR body during this cycle?

Anchor Practice Reflection

Moments I successfully anchored (stayed present without pursuing or withdrawing):

Moments I lost my anchor (pursued or withdrew):

What I needed to stay anchored that I didn't have:

Example: Example Entry

A sample cycle log showing the approach-avoid pattern.

Date

Thursday

The APPROACH (what did they do to pull you in?)

Came and sat next to me, leaned against me, said 'I missed you today'

The AVOID (what did they do to push you away?)

20 minutes later, snapped at me for asking what they wanted for dinner, went to bedroom, locked door

YOUR response (did you pursue, withdraw, or anchor?)

Felt hurt, almost said 'fine, be that way' — caught myself. Said 'I'm in the living room if you want company.' Stayed put.

Their reaction to your response:

Came back out after an hour. Didn't mention it. Seemed calmer.

What happened in YOUR body during this cycle?

Chest tight when they snapped. Wanted to follow them. Had to do anchor breaths to stay put.