How to Use This Script

This script is designed to be read aloud during your coaching session. "You" sometimes addresses you as the coach and sometimes your loved one — just as it would in a natural conversation. Speak it in your own voice; paraphrase where it feels right. Sections in blockquotes are exercises to do together.

You: Check-in first. How did the communication work go? Did you try any of the validation scripts? What happened? I want to hear specifically about a moment where you tried something different — even if it didn't go perfectly.

[Listen. Acknowledge the effort before the outcome.]

You: Good. Imperfect attempts are still attempts. That's how this works.

You: This week, you become the ERP coach. Not a therapist. Not a supervisor. A coach. And coaching is a specific skill set that is different from both supporting and managing.

You: Let's walk through what an ERP coaching session actually looks like, start to finish.

You: Before the exposure. Your job is to help your loved one commit to the plan — the specific exposure task and the specific response prevention rule. Not vaguely. Specifically. 'Today we're going to touch the doorknob and not wash for 30 minutes.' Write it down. Both of you sign off on it. This is not a therapy session; it's a training session. Athletes know what they're training before they start.

You: During the exposure. This is where most supporters make mistakes. The instinct is to reassure — 'You're doing great, it's almost over, nothing bad is going to happen.' But reassurance is accommodation. Even during an ERP exercise. What you say instead is:

'Your SUDS is at a 7. That's high. Stay with it. The anxiety will peak and come down.'
'You're doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing. This is the work.'
'I know this is hard. You don't have to feel okay. You just have to stay.'

You: Notice what you are not saying: 'It'll be fine.' 'Nothing bad will happen.' 'I promise you're safe.' These are reassurances. They feel kind, but they undercut the exposure by providing the relief the OCD is seeking.

You: Tracking SUDS. Ask for a SUDS rating every few minutes. Write it down. This serves two purposes: it gives your loved one a concrete task (observing and reporting their own anxiety), which activates the prefrontal cortex and reduces the pure reactivity of the amygdala. And it creates data — a visible record that the anxiety peaked and came down. That record is powerful. It is evidence, in their own handwriting, that the anxiety is not permanent.

You: When they want to quit. They will want to quit. Have a plan. The phrase is: 'Let's try for one more minute. Just one minute. Then we'll reassess.' One minute is almost always achievable. And one minute often becomes five. You are not forcing them — you are helping them find the edge of what they can tolerate and nudging it slightly.

You: After the exposure. Celebrate. Not with excessive praise — that can feel patronizing — but with genuine acknowledgment. 'That was hard. You stayed with it. That matters.' Then do something ordinary together. Watch something. Make food. Take a walk. The transition back to normal life is part of the exercise.

You: When to pause. There are times to stop an exposure: if your loved one is dissociating (glazed, unresponsive, disconnected), if they are in genuine physical distress, or if they explicitly invoke a pre-agreed safe word. Anxiety is not a reason to stop. Dissociation is.

Compassionate Inquiry: The Coach's Inner Life

You: "I want to check in on something that doesn't get talked about enough. What is it like for you to watch your loved one suffer during an exposure? What happens in your body when their SUDS is at an 8 and they're in distress and you're holding the line?"

You: "For most supporters, it's excruciating. And the temptation to end it — to just give the reassurance, to just let them do the ritual — is enormous. That temptation is not weakness. It's love. But it's love that hasn't yet learned to tolerate someone else's discomfort without fixing it."

CI Exercise: Tolerating Their Distress Think of the last time you watched your loved one suffer and didn't intervene. Or imagine doing so. Ask:

What I feel in my body when I watch them struggle: ____________

The story I tell myself about what it means if I don't help: ____________

What I know to be true about why holding the line matters: ____________

The phrase I can say to myself in that moment: ____________

You: "That last one is important. You need a phrase for yourself — not for them. Something that reminds you why you're doing this. Write it down and put it somewhere you'll see it."

Nervous System Regulation Exercise: 5-4-3-2-1 Sensory Grounding

You: "This one is for you to use during an exposure when your own anxiety is spiking. It keeps you present and regulated so you can stay in the coach role."

You: "Without moving from where you are, name: 5 things you can see. 4 things you can physically feel right now. 3 things you can hear. 2 things you can smell. 1 thing you can taste."

Why this works: Sensory grounding interrupts the threat-detection loop of the amygdala by flooding the sensory cortex with present-moment input. It is particularly effective for anxiety that is future-oriented — 'what if something goes wrong' — because it anchors attention to what is actually happening right now.

You: "You can do this silently while your loved one is in the middle of an exposure. No one needs to know. It keeps you regulated enough to keep them regulated."

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