After

Module 10: After

Grief takes people out of the window too. Expect to brace and expect to go numb, sometimes in the same hour. The window check still works.

Ask for Ordinary Help

In the first days, name small jobs: a dog walk, groceries left at the door, one person to answer the family's messages. Ask by text if a call is too much. You can turn down an offer without explaining.

Ritual: Return

If you want one, and when you want it, gather with a lay witness or a few people who knew your person. Read aloud something your person said, wrote, or loved ~ the life review, a legacy letter, a recipe. Say one thing you are grateful for and one thing you are still carrying. Anyone can pass. Then eat together. Choosing no ritual is also a choice.

When to Get Help

Grief has no fixed timetable. If it stays as heavy at six months as it was in the first weeks, talk with a grief counselor. Don't wait six months if grief is making daily life hard to manage. Medicare-certified hospices provide bereavement support to families for up to a year after the death; ask yours what it offers. For the people helping you through grief, share Good Grief, Complicated Grief & Traumatic Grief, the supporters' grief manual on this site. If you are thinking about ending your life, call or text 988. If there is immediate danger, call 911.

Companion Workbook

Module 10: After

Worksheet: First-Days Support Plan

The next day or two. Small jobs, not life after the death.

Completed Example: First-Days Support Plan

Fictional example. Jo's partner has died after an illness. Jo wants fewer calls and help with ordinary tasks.

Worksheet: A Return Ritual, If You Want One

Choosing no ritual is enough.

Completed Example: A Return Ritual, If You Want One

Fictional example. Sam wants a small gathering after his brother's death and hasn't chosen a date.