How to Use This Script

This script is designed to be read aloud during your coaching session. "You" sometimes addresses you as the coach and sometimes your loved one — just as it would in a natural conversation. Speak it in your own voice; paraphrase where it feels right. Sections in blockquotes are exercises to do together.

You: "This week we're getting practical. We're going to talk about what to do when your loved one is actively re-experiencing their trauma — and in complex trauma, that looks different from what most people expect."

You: "Most people think of flashbacks as visual — like a movie playing in someone's head. That's one type, and it happens. But in complex trauma, the most common form of re-experiencing is the emotional flashback. Pete Walker coined this term, and it's a game-changer for understanding what you're living with."

You: "An emotional flashback is when the person is suddenly flooded with the feelings of the original trauma — without any visual memory. They don't see the abuse happening. They just suddenly feel the terror, the helplessness, the shame, the abandonment — as if it's happening right now. And because there's no visual component, they often don't recognize it as a flashback. They think they're just 'having a bad day' or 'overreacting' or 'being crazy.' And you think they're overreacting too — because from the outside, nothing happened."

You: "Here's how to recognize an emotional flashback: The emotional response is wildly disproportionate to the current situation. They go from zero to catastrophe over something minor. They suddenly feel small, helpless, worthless — like a child. They may say things like 'nobody cares,' 'I'm always alone,' 'nothing ever works out' — absolute statements that don't match current reality. The key is: the feelings are real, but they belong to then, not now."

The Three Types of Re-Experiencing:

1. Visual/Sensory Flashback:

They see, hear, smell, or feel the trauma as if it's happening now
Eyes may be open but unfocused, or they may close their eyes and flinch
They may not recognize you or their surroundings
Your response: Orient to the present. "You're in [location]. It's [year]. You're safe. I'm [your name]. Can you feel your feet on the floor?"

2. Emotional Flashback:

Sudden flood of overwhelming emotion without visual content
Disproportionate reaction to a minor trigger
Regression to childlike helplessness or rage
Often don't know they're in a flashback
Your response: Name it gently. "I wonder if this might be an emotional flashback — the feelings are real, but they might belong to an earlier time. You're safe right now. What do you need?"

3. Dissociative Episode:

They 'leave' — eyes glaze, voice goes flat, they seem far away
May not respond to their name
Time distortion — they may not know how long they've been 'gone'
Your response: Don't panic. Don't shake them. Gently orient: sensory input (cold water, strong scent, textured object), your calm voice naming the present, patience.

What NOT to Do:

You: "Let me be direct about what doesn't help — because your instincts will be wrong here."

Don't say 'calm down.' Their nervous system cannot calm on command.
Don't say 'it's not real.' The feelings are real. The danger is past, but the experience is happening NOW in their body.
Don't touch without permission. Touch can be a trigger. Ask first: "Can I put my hand on your shoulder?" If they can't answer, don't touch.
Don't demand they 'come back.' They're not choosing to be gone.
Don't take it personally. If they say hurtful things during a flashback, that's the trauma talking — not them.
Don't try to process it immediately after. Let them stabilize first. Processing comes later, with their therapist.

Regulation Technique — 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding (Modified for Supporters):

When your loved one is in a flashback or dissociative episode and you need to help orient them, use this modified 5-4-3-2-1: Name 5 things you can both see in the room. Name 4 things you can both touch (offer objects). Name 3 things you can both hear right now. Name 2 things you can smell. Name 1 thing about where you are right now. Do this slowly, in a calm voice. You're not quizzing them — you're building a bridge back to the present.

CI Exercise: My Response to Their Re-Experiencing When they have a flashback or dissociate, my automatic response is: ____________. This response comes from: ____________. What I want to practice instead is: ____________. The hardest part for me is: ____________.

What the Research Shows

Emotional flashbacks — re-experiencing the affect of trauma without explicit visual memory — are the hallmark of complex PTSD and are distinct from the intrusive memories characteristic of single-incident PTSD (Walker, 2013). Research on dissociation in complex trauma demonstrates that dissociative responses are protective (not pathological) and represent the nervous system's attempt to manage overwhelming affect (van der Kolk, 2014). Grounding techniques that engage multiple sensory modalities show the strongest evidence for interrupting dissociative states (Brand et al., 2012). For supporters: your calm, orienting presence during these episodes is not just helpful — it provides the external regulation the person's system cannot generate internally.

Go Deeper

Structural Dissociation — Understanding why dissociation happens

Polyvagal Theory — The dorsal vagal shutdown response

EMDR Therapy — How processing reduces flashback frequency