Coaching Guide
Read this section carefully before starting Week 1.
This manual exists because ADHD does not live in a vacuum. It lives in relationships, in shared kitchens with piled dishes, in missed appointments and interrupted conversations, in the gap between what someone intends to do and what actually gets done. And the people standing in that gap — partners, parents, siblings, friends — are often running on fumes with no playbook.
Who This Is For
- Partners and spouses who are exhausted from carrying the mental load and want a structured alternative to nagging
- Parents of adult children with ADHD who want to support without enabling
- Siblings and close friends who want to understand the ADHD brain and help without overstepping
- Anyone who loves an adult with ADD/ADHD and is tired of winging it
How It Works
This is a 12-week program grounded in executive function coaching, CBT for ADHD, and relationship science. Each week introduces a specific skill area — from understanding the neuroscience of ADHD to building external scaffolding for time management, emotional regulation, and communication. You will work alongside your person, not on them.
The program draws on the work of Russell Barkley (executive function model), Ari Tuckman (ADHD couples research), Gabor Maté's Compassionate Inquiry framework, and the manualized ADHD coaching framework developed by Ahmann and Saviet (2024). Every module includes a coaching script, a structured worksheet, and a checklist to keep you both on track.
A Word About Compassionate Inquiry
Throughout this manual, you will encounter exercises drawn from Gabor Maté's Compassionate Inquiry (CI) framework. Maté — a physician, author of Scattered Minds, and co-author of The Myth of Normal — offers a complementary lens on ADHD: that many ADHD traits are not simply genetic destiny but developmental adaptations to early stress. The sensitive child who learned to tune out in a chaotic environment was protecting themselves. The adult who can't sit still may be carrying activation energy that never found a safe place to land.
Compassionate Inquiry does not replace the neuroscience. It sits alongside it. Where Barkley gives us the what (executive function deficits), Maté gives us the why (developmental context) and the how (curiosity over judgment). The CI exercises in this manual are adapted for supporters — they are not therapy. They are structured invitations to pause, notice what is happening in your body and your stories, and respond from awareness rather than reactivity.
What This Is NOT
This manual does not replace professional ADHD treatment — medication management, therapy, or formal ADHD coaching. It supplements those interventions. Think of yourself as the training partner who shows up at the gym every day, not the physical therapist who designs the rehab plan. Your consistency is the intervention.
A Note on ADD vs. ADHD
The term ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) was officially replaced by ADHD in 1987, but many adults — particularly those diagnosed later in life — still identify with it. Throughout this manual, we use ADHD to refer to all presentations: predominantly inattentive (what people used to call ADD), predominantly hyperactive-impulsive, and combined type. If your person identifies as "ADD," that is perfectly fine. The strategies here apply to all presentations.
What to Expect — and What Not To
This program will help you:
- Build a working understanding of ADD / ADHD (Adults) — what it is, how it behaves, and what drives it
- Develop specific communication skills that reduce conflict and increase connection
- Recognize early warning signs and respond with a plan rather than panic
- Set boundaries that protect your own well-being without abandoning your loved one
- Understand the treatment landscape well enough to be a genuine ally — not a bystander
This program will not:
- Replace professional mental health treatment for your loved one
- Guarantee that your loved one will engage, improve, or accept your support
- Eliminate the hard moments — crises, relapses, and setbacks are part of the territory
- Make you responsible for their recovery. That is their work. This is yours.
Your role as a supporter
You are not a therapist, a case manager, or a crisis line. You are a person who cares about someone with ADD / ADHD (Adults), and you are willing to learn how to do that more effectively. That is the whole job description. The skills in this program will make you better at it — but they will not make you responsible for outcomes you cannot control.
When to refer to a clinician
This program is designed for stable, non-crisis situations. If any of the following are present, contact a licensed mental health professional or emergency services immediately:
- Any expression of suicidal ideation or self-harm
- Psychosis, severe dissociation, or inability to distinguish reality
- Active substance use that is escalating or out of control
- Physical safety concerns — for your loved one or for you
- A mood episode that is worsening despite current treatment
In the United States: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988) · Crisis Text Line (text HOME to 741741)
Your Digital Toolkit
This manual is more than a book ~ it is a complete coaching platform. Below is every tool available to you, what it does, and how to use it. Take a few minutes to read through this section before you begin Week 1. You do not need to master everything at once ~ the session scripts will tell you when to reach for each tool.
12-Week Session Scripts
Each week has a complete script. Read it out loud ~ it is designed to sound like a real conversation, not a textbook. Check-in prompts, psychoeducation, worksheet introductions, Compassionate Inquiry exercises: it is all there. You do not need to memorize anything. Just sit down together and read.
⚠️ Important: Open this tool, try it yourself, and get comfortable before using it with your loved one.
Interactive Worksheets
Every week has a worksheet your loved one fills out between sessions. They are fillable right here in the app ~ no printer required, though you can print them if that works better. Completed worksheets save automatically, so you can pull them up in future sessions and track patterns over time.
⚠️ Important: Open this tool, try it yourself, and get comfortable before using it with your loved one.
Regulation Toolkit (21 Exercises)
Twenty-one exercises organized by what your loved one is experiencing right now. Activated and anxious? There is a category for that. Shut down and unreachable? There is one for that too. Grounding, self-soothing, emergency tools ~ each with step-by-step instructions. The "Match State to Practice" guide tells you exactly which exercise to reach for. Grounded in polyvagal theory (Porges) and Somatic Experiencing (Levine).
⚠️ Important: Open this tool, try it yourself, and get comfortable before using it with your loved one.
Binaural Beats Audio Environment
An optional audio layer that plays bilateral stimulation tones through stereo headphones ~ during regulation exercises, quiet moments, or whenever it helps. Four presets (calming, deep relaxation, sleep, gentle focus), adjustable volume, and ambient background sounds (rain, ocean, forest). Requires stereo headphones. This is NOT therapy. It is a relaxation aid.
Default preset: Gentle Focus (low beta, 14 Hz) ~ supports sustained attention without overstimulation.
⚠️ Important: Open this tool, try it yourself, and get comfortable before using it with your loved one.
Guided Imagery Studio
You record guided imagery scripts in your own voice while BLS tones play underneath. A teleprompter walks you through each section ~ what to say, when to pause, when to breathe ~ so you never lose your place. When you are done, export it as an MP3 your loved one can listen to between sessions. Scripts included: The Container, Comfortable Place, Care and Nurture, and Repairenting. All from *101 Trauma-Informed Interventions* by Linda Curran.
⚠️ Important: Open this tool, try it yourself, and get comfortable before using it with your loved one.
Compassionate Inquiry Framework
Based on Gabor Maté's Compassionate Inquiry model. Every weekly session includes a CI exercise ~ a reflective question or prompt that helps both of you look underneath the symptoms at the stories, beliefs, and adaptations driving them. The dedicated CI page collects all exercises in one place for review and deeper practice.
⚠️ Important: Open this tool, try it yourself, and get comfortable before using it with your loved one.
Progress Tracking
Visual indicators showing where you are in the 12-week program. Module completion, worksheet status, checklist items ~ tracked automatically. You can export a progress summary to share with your loved one's treatment team, which is useful for keeping everyone on the same page.
Crisis Safety Plan
A structured crisis plan you fill out together during your first session. Emergency contacts, warning signs, coping strategies, a step-by-step action plan. This is the single most important tool in the manual. Fill it out before you start Week 1. Print two copies ~ one for each of you.
⚠️ Important: Open this tool, try it yourself, and get comfortable before using it with your loved one.
Self-Care Assessment
Supporting someone with a mental health condition is hard, sustained work. This tool helps you honestly assess your own well-being ~ physical, emotional, social, spiritual ~ and identify where you are running on fumes. If you burn out, the whole program stalls. Take this seriously.
⚠️ Important: Open this tool, try it yourself, and get comfortable before using it with your loved one.
Coach's Toolkit
Your field manual. Quick-reference tools, communication scripts, de-escalation strategies ~ the things you reach for in the moment when you need a specific phrase, a grounding technique, or a reminder of what to do and what not to do.
⚠️ Important: Open this tool, try it yourself, and get comfortable before using it with your loved one.
Frequently Asked Questions
The questions supporters actually ask: What if they refuse to participate? What if I say the wrong thing? When do I call 911? Organized by topic so you can find what you need without scrolling through everything else.
⚠️ Important: Open this tool, try it yourself, and get comfortable before using it with your loved one.
Downloadable PDF Manual
The entire 12-week program ~ scripts, worksheets, appendices, regulation exercises ~ as a downloadable PDF. Print the whole thing or just the pages you need for a given session. Formatted for standard letter paper with generous margins for notes.
Linda Curran, BCPC, LPC, CAADC, CCDPD
Developed by Linda Curran, BCPC, LPC, CAADC, CCDPD — an internationally recognized trauma specialist with over 25 years of clinical experience, an approved consultant in EMDR and complex trauma, an advisor to Evergreen Certifications, and the author of 101 Trauma-Informed Interventions, Trauma Competency, and EMDR Deconstructed.
Two Steps to Start
Before you begin the 12-week program, complete your Crisis Safety Plan. Then start Week 1.
Download & Print the Complete Manual
This entire 12-week coaching program is available as a downloadable PDF. You can print the full manual or individual worksheets for offline use, note-taking, and easy reference during coaching sessions.
Download PDF Manual