How to Use This Script

This script is designed to be read aloud during your coaching session. "You" sometimes addresses you as the coach and sometimes your loved one — just as it would in a natural conversation. Speak it in your own voice; paraphrase where it feels right. Sections in blockquotes are exercises to do together.

You (to the supporter): "We've spent 10 weeks focused primarily on understanding and supporting the ADHD brain. This week is about YOU. Because here's the truth that nobody talks about: supporting someone with ADHD is exhausting. And if you burn out, the whole system collapses."

You: "Supporter burnout in ADHD relationships is real, documented, and common. It shows up as chronic resentment, emotional exhaustion, loss of attraction or affection, feeling like a parent instead of a partner, and eventually — withdrawal. And the cruelest part is that the supporter often feels guilty for being tired, because 'they're the one with the condition, not me.'"

Signs of Supporter Burnout:

You feel more like a parent than a partner
You've stopped asking for help because it's easier to do it yourself
You feel resentment when your person has fun while tasks are undone
You've lost interest in shared activities
You feel guilty for being angry, which makes you angrier
You've stopped talking about your own needs

Support vs. Enabling:

Supporting: "I'll set up the system with you, and then you maintain it." --> Building capacity.
Enabling: "I'll just do it myself because it's faster." --> Removing the need to build capacity.
Supporting: "I'll give you a transition warning, but you're responsible for being on time." --> Shared accountability.
Enabling: "I'll lie about the start time so you're not late." --> Taking over their responsibility.

You: "Resentment is the cancer of relationships. And the only cure is honesty. So I'm going to ask you both a hard question: What are you each resentful about right now? No fixing. No defending. Just listening."

Compassionate Inquiry: The Six Questions for Supporters

You: "Gabor Maté and his son Daniel, in The Myth of Normal, offer six questions for self-inquiry. I've adapted them for supporters. These are not comfortable questions. They're not meant to be. They're meant to show you what you've been carrying — and what you might be ready to put down."

CI Exercise: The Six Questions (Adapted for Supporters)

In my role as supporter, what am I not saying no to, even though I feel a no?

How does my inability to say no impact my life — my health, my mood, my relationships?

What bodily signals have I been ignoring? (Tension, exhaustion, headaches, insomnia, jaw clenching)

What is the hidden story behind my inability to say no? (e.g., 'If I don't hold everything together, it all falls apart.')

Where did I learn that story? Who taught me that my worth depends on how much I carry?

Where have I ignored or denied the yes that wanted to be said — the yes to my own needs, my own rest, my own life?

You: "Sit with these. You don't have to answer them all today. But I want you to notice which one lands hardest. That's the one that's been running the show."

You: "And supporter — your self-care is not optional. It's not selfish. It's structural. If you don't fill your tank, you have nothing to give. Let's build a plan that's realistic and non-negotiable."

Nervous System Regulation Exercise: Hand on Heart

You: "Let's do something simple but powerful. Place one or both hands over your heart. Feel the warmth of your hands through your clothing."

You: "Apply gentle pressure — enough to feel grounded. If it helps, say to yourself: 'I'm here. I'm safe. This is hard, and I can handle it.' Breathe naturally and stay with the sensation."

Why this works: Warm touch on the chest activates pressure receptors that signal safety to the brain. Research shows this gesture reduces cortisol and increases oxytocin — the same neurochemistry activated by being held by a safe person.

You: "You can do this anywhere. In public, just rest one hand on your chest as if you're thinking. No one will know it's a regulation practice."

Nervous System Regulation Exercise: Butterfly Hug

You: "This one comes from EMDR work with trauma survivors. Cross your arms over your chest, fingertips resting just below your collarbones."

You: "Now alternate tapping — right, left, right, left. Keep it slow and gentle. Do SHORT sets: 10 to 30 seconds, then pause and notice what you feel. Repeat 3 to 5 sets."

Why this works: The bilateral tapping provides alternating stimulation to both brain hemispheres, similar to EMDR eye movements. Short sets promote calming. This was developed by Lucina Artigas for use with trauma survivors.

You: "Keep sets short for calming. Longer sets can open up emotional processing, which is better done with clinical support."

Nervous System Regulation Exercise: Bilateral Movement

You: "Let's get your body moving. Stand up and march in place — bring your right hand to your left knee, then your left hand to your right knee. Keep alternating."

You: "Let your arms swing naturally. Breathe normally. Continue for 2 to 3 minutes. Notice if you feel more present, less foggy."

Why this works: Cross-lateral movement activates both brain hemispheres simultaneously, promoting integration. It also generates proprioceptive input, helping your body locate itself in space — critical when someone feels disconnected.

Go Deeper

Attachment Theory — How secure attachment compensates for ADHD-related inconsistency: the relational foundation that makes long-term support sustainable

Polyvagal Theory — The autonomic basis of ADHD burnout and recovery: why the final weeks of the program focus on sustainable support rather than maximum support

You: "This is a great first move when someone is shut down and can't access breathing exercises. Movement often works when stillness doesn't."