How to Use This Script

This script is designed to be read aloud during your coaching session. "You" sometimes addresses you as the coach and sometimes your loved one — just as it would in a natural conversation. Speak it in your own voice; paraphrase where it feels right. Sections in blockquotes are exercises to do together.

Check-In (5 minutes) You: "How did the communication strategies from last week land? Did you get a chance to try any of them? What happened?"

Listen for both successes and friction. Normalize that new communication patterns feel awkward before they feel natural.

You: "Impulsivity in ADHD is not about wanting to make bad decisions. It's about the braking system being unreliable. The ADHD brain sees something appealing and the gas pedal fires before the brake pedal engages. By the time the prefrontal cortex catches up with 'Wait, should I actually do this?' — the thing is already done."

You: "There are three flavors of impulsivity, and most people with ADHD have at least two:"

Three Types of Impulsivity:

Verbal Impulsivity: Blurting out thoughts, interrupting, saying things you immediately regret, oversharing. "I said it before I thought it."
Behavioral Impulsivity: Starting new projects before finishing old ones, making snap decisions, risky behavior, impulsive job changes. "I acted before I thought it through."
Financial Impulsivity: Impulse purchases, online shopping binges, signing up for subscriptions, difficulty sticking to budgets. "I bought it before I thought about whether I could afford it."

You: "The solution is not willpower. Willpower is a prefrontal cortex function — the exact thing that's compromised. The solution is speed bumps — external systems that force a pause between impulse and action. You're not fixing the brain. You're redesigning the environment."

Speed Bump Strategies:

The 48-Hour Rule: Any non-essential purchase over $50 (or whatever your threshold is) waits 48 hours. Put it in the cart. Walk away. If you still want it in 48 hours, buy it.
Separate Accounts: A "fun money" account with a fixed monthly amount. When it's gone, it's gone. No judgment about how it's spent.
The Pause Phrase: Before responding in a heated moment: "Let me think about that and get back to you." Buys time for the prefrontal cortex to engage.
Project Parking Lot: A list of "ideas I'm excited about" that gets reviewed weekly. Prevents impulsive project starts.
Unsubscribe & Remove: Delete shopping apps. Unsubscribe from marketing emails. Remove saved credit card info. Add friction to the impulse pathway.

You: "Financial impulsivity is one of the top three stressors in ADHD relationships. Let's talk about it directly. What's our current system? What's working? What's not?"

Compassionate Inquiry: The Aftermath of Impulsivity You (to the person with ADHD): "After an impulsive moment — a purchase, a blurted comment, a project you started and abandoned — what happens inside? Is it regret? Defensiveness? Shame? Or do you move on quickly and not understand why the other person is still upset?"

This question often surfaces a significant asymmetry: the person with ADHD has already moved on emotionally, while the supporter is still processing the impact. Neither response is wrong — they're just different.

You (to the supporter): "And when an impulsive thing happens — the unexpected purchase, the interrupted conversation, the abandoned project — what's the story you tell yourself about the future? 'This will always happen'? 'I can't trust this'? I'm asking because that story shapes how you respond."

You: "The goal of this conversation isn't to assign fault. It's to understand the cycle: impulse fires → action happens → supporter reacts → person with ADHD feels shame or confusion → shame makes the next impulsive moment more likely, not less. Speed bumps break the cycle before it starts."

Regulation Practice: Hand on Heart You: "Let's close with a self-compassion practice, because this week's topic — impulsivity and its consequences — often carries a lot of weight. Place one hand on your heart. Feel the warmth. Take a slow breath."

Instructions: Place one hand on the center of the chest. Apply gentle pressure. Breathe slowly — in for 4, out for 6. Notice the warmth of your own hand.

You: "This activates the same neural pathways as receiving care from another person. The skin receptors under the hand release oxytocin — the bonding hormone — which counters cortisol and reduces the threat response. It's not a metaphor. It's physiology. Use it after hard conversations."

Closing You: "This week: agree on one speed bump to implement — just one. The 48-hour rule is the easiest starting point. And if an impulsive moment happens, try naming it without blame: 'That was an impulsive moment. Let's figure out the speed bump for next time.'"

Go Deeper

Attachment Theory