Presence for Themselves
Presence runs two ways: for oneself, and for the people one loves.
Module 6: Presence for Themselves
Presence runs two ways: for oneself, and for the people one loves. This module is about the first. A person who is present for themselves can take stock, finish what is theirs to finish, and meet the end. That holds with a full bedside or an empty one.
You can't do this for your person. You can make room for it. Start early. Life review and letters take energy your person will have less of every week.
Ritual: Life Review
If your person wants a life review, set aside the time they want ~ a few minutes or an hour, more than once if you can. Your person talks; you listen; a lay witness records, if your person agrees, by hand or by phone. Your person decides who may read or hear it. Some prompts:
What are you proudest of?
What do you want the people you love to remember?
What did you learn that you want passed on?
What do you wish had gone differently?
Don't steer. Don't correct. If your person goes somewhere painful, stay with them. If they want to stop, stop.
Exercise: Unfinished Business
Ask your person: Is there anything you need to finish? Write the list together. It may hold a call to make, a thing to give away, a wrong to name or set right. It may hold the practical things: the will, accounts and passwords, who gets the watch, funeral or memorial wishes, burial or cremation, organ donation. Help with what can be done, and let the rest be named. Naming it counts.
If your person names harm someone did to them, don't push for forgiveness or a reunion. The other person may not want contact either. An unsent letter can stay unsent.
Exercise: Legacy Letters
If your person wants to, help them write letters to be read later ~ to children, grandchildren, friends, people not yet born. You can take dictation and read it back. Short is fine. One true sentence is enough. Ask who may receive each letter, when, and where to keep it.
Companion Workbook
Module 6: Presence for Themselves
Worksheet: One Story
For your person, with a supporter writing only with permission. Dictation counts. One sentence is enough.
Completed Example: One Story
Fictional example. Joel, who is dying, chooses a short conversation with his adult daughter, Mara.
Worksheet: One Unfinished Thing, or One Legacy Message
For one matter or letter your person chooses. Write their words, not yours.
Completed Example: One Unfinished Thing, or One Legacy Message
Fictional example. Ruth, who is dying, dictates an unsent letter to her estranged sister. Her friend Ana writes it.